Friday, August 29, 2014

Limerick of the Day #121

Says the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre
“We’d be safer with guns everywhere”
There’s no need to be choosy.
Give each young child an Uzi.
Or perhaps Wayne’s a horse’s derrière.


Friday, August 22, 2014

Limerick of the Day #120

“What is wrong with the world?” you may ask. It’s
An uptick in the sales of caskets.
When our tank-driving cops
Make routine traffic stops
Then it’s time to buy stock in handbaskets.


Friday, August 8, 2014

Health Food

I draw the line at whole wheat bread.
I know it’s healthy but I’d rather be dead.
Regardless of brand
It is grainy and bland.
Just give me a good pumpernickel instead.

I hate inedible edamame.
Give me a slab of kosher salami.
Those beans of soy
Bring me no joy.
I’d much rather have a hot pastrami.

I’ve tried the mesclun and arugula habits,
But they just seem like food for rabbits.
I’ve been tempeh-ed. I’ve been tofu-d.
Trust me on this: That is no food.

So keep your sorbet and frozen yogurt.
No pain, no gain, and these have no hurt.
Weight loss is still loss.
Give me hot fudge sauce.
Otherwise it’s just not a dessert.